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At certain (somewhat regular) times a condition known only as ‘the munchies’ is known to develop in those who partake in the smoking of marijuana. When this state occurs one’s brain can only think and/or focus on one thing: the consumption of food. But, consider this, the only food readily available is so heinous that consuming it in your everyday life would be sacrilege, completely out of the question, with the only question being why someone would buy such a product under any pretence.

If you haven’t guessed already, I am referring to Spam. Know I think it is a pretty universal sentiment that Spam is for all intents and purposes completely vile, sharing a name with a type of unsolicited message does not strike up the best picture when you hear the name anyway, however, that thought does not compare with the product’s taste and texture.

Now let's track back a bit and consider what circumstances would lead to this and what you would do in this situation. The first question I’m sure is on your mind is ‘how would the snack situation become so dire that Spam would be the only option?’ Perhaps your mate's fat little brother has eaten all the crisps, as well as the last oven pizza and whilst a takeaway is definitely on the cards you can’t wait that long.

After all, you’re not at your own house and no matter what the circumstances beggars cannot be choosers. Bearing this in mind do you take it or leave it? Imagine you take it, you peel back the thin lid on the tin to reveal a tightly packed pink mass with a thin layer of goo covering what, for all intents and purposes, feels like soylent green with slightly more pig extract to give it a pinkish hue. Now touch it as few times as possible before cooking so not as to reveal the texture of a pig’s tongue, perhaps just try and tip it straight from the can into a frying pan and toss it around a few times to ensure its brown enough before consuming it.

Now consider the idea you choose not to eat it and decide to wait for your takeaway, maybe you order from that greek deli just around the corner and down the road, whilst they were speedy with delivery on Monday, this less likely on a Saturday evening. Whatever decision you reach, make sure you consider all angles, don’t starve but take care of yourself don’t give in to desperation, keep a level head and make your choice.

August 01, 2016 by Gareth Arnold

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